Zelda: Not just another modern day story
by Clear Free-Flowing Liquid
Summary: Read the title. BTW, though the first couple of chapters have a lot of Ruto, this story is not about Ruto. Rated just in case. Zelink, but not much of a romance. If you read it, review. It's just common courtesy.
1. Chapter 1

**Not Just Another Present Day Story**

This is my first Zelda Fanfic, and is based around OoT characters, with some Minish Cap characters. Any characters that appear in both, they're the OoT version (except Moblin). All characters are their adult versions, unless they don't have adult versions. Unlike other modern setting Zelda fics, there will be monsters in this one. Monsters are protected by law the same way humans are, and will not be, for the most part, evil. And I won't try to twist Ruto into some kind of human form; she'll just be a Zora. Now that I've given you a basis in my world, let's roll.

Chapter 1: A Zora's nightmare.

Link sat at his desk. Business had been slow for a while now. He was between missions now, but the life of a hired gun could do that to you. After his last job had disposed of Gannondorf, he thought people would come rushing in. But alas, he and Zelda couldn't seem to find business. Maybe it was because people were afraid of Zelda. When she put on that Sheikah garb she seemed to gain the ability to do scary stuff. But even so, people should know that she wasn't going to come for _them._ But at least he still had Zelda. That would never change. At least, he hoped. They'd saved each other's lives so much that it was hard to imagine anything different.

Suddenly Link was jerked out of his deep state of thought. Business had come. Princess Ruto, an old friend who he knew harboured a love for him, was standing at the door. The Zora princess walked closer, right up to Link and Zelda. "Ruto!" Excited to see an old friend, much as Link was, but in quite a different way, Zelda said, "What can we do for you? It's good to see you again."

"I'm sure under different circumstances I could say the same, but now it doesn't seem good to see anyone any more," Ruto said.

"That bad?" inquired Link, "What is it? Nothing we can't handle, I'm sure."

"My father's been kidnapped," said Ruto, "I'd go save him, but in his absence, I have to run Zora's Domain."

"Any idea who did it?" asked Zelda.

"Well, I didn't see who did it, but I did see that they left this note," Ruto said, pulling out a laptop and opening her e-mail. She clicked on a message. Zelda read it:

_Ruto, if you're reading this, it's too late, I have your father. There is nothing you can do about it, unless you surrender your territory. Don't try to rescue him; I'll kill you faster than you can lift a finger. You can't begin to imagine the agony I will put you through. And don't think those little punk mercenaries you call friends can help you either. I will kill them too. And don't think I won't make you next. If you want to surrender, bring your crown to the large tree right outside Talon's ranch at 17:00 on Saturday. Leave it at the biggest tree; I'll have one of my associates bring it to me. And don't you dare try to follow me._

"Well, let's do the basics, scan where the message came from, and check the personal details of the sender. Odds are we're not dealing with a master criminal here," said Link, inserting a disk into the drive. He right-clicked on the message, and let the disk do all the work. "It appears that it came from this computer," he continued.

"That could make sense. I mean it's not hard to hack basic passwords, is it?" asked Ruto.

"No, not really, it's easier than what we just did. They likely used your own laptop while you were out for a combination of irony and craftiness. Seen it before," said Zelda with indifference.

"Well then, I say we give them what they want," said Link, with a gleam in his eye.

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They waited outside the ranch, under cover of the bushes near the tree, as well as camouflage. They saw a moblin approach out in the distance. As he got closer, they saw that he was not alone. There were also 2 Stalfos knights. So there would be a fight. That suited Link well, as it did to Zelda/Sheik. But Ruto would likely be their weak link. Which was, of course, why there was no crown in the bag she had, only rocks. Zelda's magic could surround their enemies with a wall of flame, so there would be no escape. At least not for the Moblin. They were closer now. Only a few minutes more. Why weren't they in a car? Of course, they wouldn't fit. They were only about 100 feet away now. They could see Ruto, and Ruto could see them. They started to taunt Ruto, and Ruto pretended to be so hurt. Lambs led to the slaughter. As they got to within about 10 feet, they started to do a victory dance. Now they were here. Suddenly, a circle of flames encircled them. Amused by their enemies' bewildered looks, Link and Zelda jumped forward, Zelda in full Sheikah garb. Immediately, the moblin went for Ruto, sensing her weakness. As he closed in, Ruto hit him with a roundhouse kick. Stunned, but not (very) hurt, he grabbed her and lifted, getting hard chops to the face the whole way. Still, they were little more than stinging flies to the gargantuan demon.

Enter Link. With one swift fist, the moblin dropped Ruto like a bad habit and grabbed his injured nose. Like a reflex, the Stalfos jumped in and cornered Link. They were about to administer a beating when Zelda came from behind. She attempted to kick them both in the head, but a slight miscalculation sent her flying straight on to the shoulders of one of the Stalfos. Ouch. The Stalfos dropped, landing her straight on her spine. The other Knight of the bone dropped Link with a shot to the stomach. While Link caught his breath and tried to stand, the Stalfos, and the freshly recovered moblin, went in for the kill on Zelda, their wounded target. As they inched closer and bent in for the kill, she stood on her head and spun around, delivering kicks to all around her (think SSBM). Then she sprung to her feet and stood, waiting for someone to stand up. Ruto joined her, having recovered from the rib-crushing grasp of the moblin. Link hobbled over, waiting for the chance to strike. The Stalfos stumbled out, the flames not bothering their bony exteriors. As the one moblin remained, trembling with the fear of what awaited, Ruto herself went in.

"Leave!" she instructed the others. Zelda created a hole in the wall and as they were starting to walk away, Ruto quickly added, "I didn't mean far away, I don't think I can take on a moblin for very long. I just want this guy to myself. Until he overpowers me, that is, I just want to get a few shots in."

The moblin's fear turned to giddy excitement as he realized the only one left to fight was an infinitesimal Zora. Not just that, a girl. But he got too cocky. Ruto sunk in with kicks, slaps, everything she could muster, apparently forgetting the martial-arts she had seemed to know earlier. But eventually, the moblin regained his bearings. He grabbed her, like he did before, but before he could lift her, she back flipped out of his grasp, landing a kick on the way for good measure. Link and Zelda watched in amazement as the thought-to-be defenceless Zoran princess delivered a series of high, low and middle kicks to the stunned creature. But eventually, like before, he snapped out of it and punched her straight in the face. She was out cold. Link and Zelda dashed in through a freshly created gap in the flames (you can do that when you create the fire). Link was about to land another fist when the moblin pulled out a gun. But Link was too fast. He had another gun on the moblin.

Zelda watched. Who would shoot first? Was there even anything she could do? Of course there was. She reached into her shirt and pulled out… nothing? Apparently, she had absentmindedly left her gun at home that day. The moblin sensed this and shot at her. He missed. Big mistake. Link pressed the gun to his chest and he felt a shock go through his body. A taser! He had been held a taser-point, not gunpoint. He could have shot Link and it wouldn't have mattered a bit. But now it mattered a whole lot as his whole body lost all power. He recovered quickly due to his large size, but found the taser was inches away from his head. If he got shocked in the chest, it was just a shock, but one jolt to the head could be deadly. He slowly raised his hands above his head, signalling surrender. Link signalled for his enemy to hand over his weapon, which was done obediently. The fight was over.

"Who sent you here?" asked Link.

"You wouldn't know him if I told you," said the moblin, remarkably clearly for a moblin. Link guessed that he was probably smarter than the average moblin.

"Um, you _are _aware we don't need to know the guy to look up his information, don't you?" asked Link. Hey, I never said the moblin was intelligent, just above moblin average.

"Okay, fine, his name is… Joey Jojo… Shabadoo," said the pig-like demon.

"If you had to steal a name from _The Simpsons_, did it have to be the one designed to sound immensely fake?" asked Link.

"Immensely?" asked the moblin.

"Very," chimed in Zelda.

"Very what?" asked the moblin.

"No, immensely means very," said Link.

"Oh," said the moblin.

"So what's his name?" asked Zelda.

"Or her name," added Link.

"Um… Bob Bobberson?" said the moblin.

"Okay, for starters, don't go 'um…' before you come up with the name, second, don't phrase it like a question, and third, we can wait all night until you tell us their real name, and you're not coming up with any good names, so you can't fool us," said Zelda.

"NEVER GIVE THE ENEMY TIPS ON HOW TO LIE TO US!" screamed Link.

"Right, sorry," said Zelda.

"It's cool," Link said, then, turning to the moblin, "So, what's the name?"

"I'll never tell!" said the moblin, trying the direct approach.

"I think you will," said Link, inching the taser ever closer to his captive's head.

"Never," the moblin screamed. But this time, the scream was one of fear, not of anger or defiance.

Inching closer.

"It was Vaati, don't hurt me!" the moblin wailed pathetically.

Link removed the taser, just as Ruto woke up.

"I was having the most wonderful dream. You were there, and you were there, and you were there, and you were there, and you were there," Ruto said aimlessly to no one. JOLT! Ruto fell back to sleep.

"What was that for?" asked Zelda.

"Head trauma, she needs to rest," said Link.

"Are you sure that's going to work?" asked Zelda.

"I did it to you after you were poisoned. Remember? The deku baba? If I hadn't, you would've succumbed to the poison. When you're injured, the body can't waste itself on consciousness," said Link.

"Oh, so then I guess I owe you an apology," Zelda admitted sheepishly.

"It's all good," said Link, "So, ready to go back?"

"What are we doing about Ruto?" asked Zelda.

"Well, are you carrying her, or am I?" responded Link with another question.

"I can do it," she replied.

"Are you sure? You took that nasty blow to the spine. Lifting can't be good for you," he said.

"Oh, come on, you just want to carry her," said the pretending to be peeved powerful princess.

"Not true. Fine you want to do it? Knock yourself out. But don't blame me when that takes on a more literal meaning," responded the hero of time.

"I think I will," said Zelda with smug satisfaction. She lifted the body of Ruto, and felt her own start to drain of energy. She didn't say anything, risking exposing that, yes, she was wrong.

"I suppose the white shade your face just turned is only coincidence," Link said smirking.

"No, it's AAAHHH, just OOH OKAY FINE THIS IS KILLING ME!" Zelda admitted, trying her best to put Ruto down gently, but failing.

"Careful, we're trying to save her, not train for Javelin throwing at the Vancouver games," said Link, earning Link a smack on the head from Zelda, who proceeded to pass out. "Oh, joyous frigging raptures! What in the million forms of Gohma am I going to do now? Now I know how Basil Fawlty felt."

Link tried his hand at stacking the two women on top of each other, then lifting them on his shoulders, but he quickly realized how awkward it would be if one of them woke up. In the end, he lifted each one over one shoulder. It was at this point that Zelda woke up. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just enjoying this?" asked Zelda.

"Bit of both, actually," replied Link, "Now I parked the car right around this corner." He turned to look but it was gone. "Well, I guess we have to walk."

Zelda got off, and they started to walk back to Hyrule Castle Town. About halfway there, Ruto woke up.

"What's going on? Why did you shock me?" asked Ruto.

"You needed the rest. How are you feeling now?" inquired Link.

"Not too good… don't shock me," she said.

"If you say so," responded Link.

"How did you learn to fight like that?" asked Zelda.

"I dappled in mixed martial arts for a few years," responded Ruto.

"Why?" asked Link.

"To forget about you," answered Ruto.

An awkward silence filled the air. The atmosphere filled with a mixture of Link's guilt and Zelda's mild shock.

Finally, Zelda broke the silence, "Link, is there something you never told me?"

"When Ruto gave me the Zora's Sapphire, ten years ago, she said that I had to marry her. Ancient tradition. We were never serious," Link said.

"No, but I thought even you could take a hint," said Ruto, coldly and slightly mockingly.

"We were such good friends, I didn't want to jeopardize anything," Link said, desperate for a way out.

"And years of ignoring my feelings really helped," said Ruto.

"I'm sorry, but I love Zelda," Link said.

"Why? What do you have with her? A seven year history? Sorry, Zelda, this isn't your fault. I just need to get this all out now," Ruto responded, furious.

"Well, I did know her before you," Link said sheepishly. This earned him a sharp slap in the face. He went down. Ruto began to run away. "It was just a joke," Link yelled in a desperate attempt to stop Ruto from leaving.

"So this is all a joke to you?" asked Ruto, seething with anger at this point. She stopped running and turned back, walking back towards Link with an agonizing slowness.

_Oh, crap! What's she going to do now? _Thought Link. _Is she going to hurt me or just scream at me for a while?_ As it just so happened, Ruto did hurt him. She kicked him squarely in the testicles. He dropped down, knowing that he didn't deserve this, but too afraid of hurting Ruto to do anything. Zelda stared from a distance, not doing anything. She knew she should help, but decided Ruto's sanity was more important. She decided to try to reason with Ruto.

"Come on, stop. I know he's being a bit of a jerk to you, but he doesn't warrant that much pain," said Zelda.

Just then Ruto came to her senses. She looked down and surveyed the damage. Link was almost in tears. Why had she done that? She frankly couldn't answer that. She couldn't figure out what to do next. She didn't want to just jump in and apologize; she might seem crazy if she did that. She couldn't just leave him there. He was in serious pain. She decided to wait a minute and then act like she just realized her mistake.

"Oh, Link, I'm sorry. That was just insane of me. You were just trying to lighten the mood. You do that sometimes, but frig its annoying," said Ruto, "All the same, I did overreact there. Here, let me help you up," said Ruto, extending her hand to help Link up.

Link pondered what to do for a moment. Should he believe that Ruto had truly regained sanity? He decided to test the waters (no corny water, fish related jokes please) and let Ruto assist him in regaining his upright position, all the while, never letting his guard down. He let out a sigh of relief when Ruto didn't nail him one more time for good measure.

"So," Link said, "now that that's over, let's get back and find this Vaati."

Ruto let out a sigh of relief herself. She wasn't sure if Link would ever truly trust her again, but she hoped so. What a strange day it had been, they had tracked a kidnapper, beat up villains and beat up each other. How could anything get more bizarre?

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Yes, that's right, I posed the question. And now, in the next chapter, I will answer it. Hope you like.

I'm OUT!

-FC/Raven effect studios


	2. Of Banter, Beatings and breakthroughs

A/N: Sorry, I would've updated sooner, but I had exams. Now that they're over life can be good again. For now.

**Chapter 2: Of Banter, Beatings and Breakthroughs**

Link, Zelda and Ruto were all chilling out back at the tiny structure that they called HQ. Ruto was sipping on a peach wine cooler, while Zelda and Link stayed to the safer Pepsi. Always sober on the job, they were ready to spring into action.

"So, how are we searching for this guy? Secret archives?" Ruto inquired.

"Well, maybe later. For now, we're just going to Google him," responded Link.

"Do you really think that will turn up any results?" asked Ruto.

"Well, wouldn't you hit yourself if you searched thousands of databases that required time, skill and effort to find information you could just Google for?" answered Zelda… with another question.

"I guess you're right," sighed Ruto.

"Now let's see… Vaati, V-A-T-I. Loading… ahh, here we are. Why are all these German sites coming up?" pondered Link.

"I think Vati is the informal version of 'father' in German," answered Zelda.

"Are you sure it's spelled correctly?" asked Ruto.

"Not a clue," admitted Link.

"Try it with two 'a's," suggested Zelda.

"Who spells their name with two 'a's?" asked Link (A/N No, my name doesn't have two straight "a"s in it).

"People named Aaron," replied Zelda.

"Yeah, no disrespect, but that was a pretty stupid question," snickered Ruto.

"Come on, he wasn't thinking. People shut their brains off all the time," retorted Zelda.

"That's why I said, 'no disrespect'," defended Ruto.

"What's that supposed to mean?" shot Zelda, a hint of anger rising in her voice.

"How many Pepsis have you had?" asked Ruto.

"Just one," snapped Zelda.

"Coffees?" prodded Ruto.

"Umm… ten," admitted Zelda, quickly adding, "but they weren't very roasted."

"Roasting actually gets rid of caffeine," stated Ruto.

"Umm… shut up," quipped Zelda.

"Are you done yet? I think I found something," Link interrupted.

"What?" pried Ruto and Zelda simultaneously.

"Here it is, 'Vaati found not guilty of attempting to kidnap Rauru. Sources were baffled at how he could get off when evidence was overwhelming against him. The most suspicious part is that this came so soon after he was found not guilty of kidnapping Mido of the Kokiri,' well, I'd say we're dealing with a pro," observed Link.

"Does he have a last name?" asked Zelda rhetorically.

"I don't," responded Link flatly.

"Neither do I," concurred Ruto.

"Riiiiiiiight," realized Zelda, "only my family and I have a last name."

"So, where do we find this guy?" asked Ruto.

"It doesn't say. I guess now we have to search deeper. I'll open up Hyrule's address database and search," answered Link, inserting a CD-R. An icon appeared on the screen. Link clicked it. A Dos-prompt-like screen flickered before his eyes. He clicked another icon and a text box appeared with the caption "find" in front of it. He typed in "Vaati" and waited. A few seconds went by. Then a few more. Then, finally, a single link appeared. Link paused for a few seconds.

"The link, click Link," blurted Ruto.

"What?" exclaimed Link.

"Click yourself!" babbled Ruto.

"What are you on about?" asked Link with a hint of coyness.

"Sorry," Ruto shook her head vigorously, "Link, click the link."

"Ahh… okay," grinned Link.

"I think I'm done," commented Ruto, putting down her wine glass.

"Wow, you're drunk, Zelda's on caffeine rush. If only there was some way you could swap intoxicants," murmured Link. Then he started grinning. A huge grin. As the girls realized what he meant, they both gave him a smack on the head. "What?" he asked slyly, "trade blood."

"That's not what you meant," countered Zelda.

"Yeah, but if I said what I meant all the time, I'd be dead by now," Link chuckled. Then he doubled over from the sharp pain in his groin.

"You're right, that is fun," remarked Zelda to Ruto.

"Why does everyone I love hurt me?" asked Link.

"Malon never hurt you," answered Zelda.

Link held out his arm to reveal a small, round scar, "Here's where she shot me with a nail gun. We were repairing the barn and I ran in front of her just as she shot."

"Saria," challenged Ruto.

"When we were younger, okay, when I was younger, she and I got into a fight and she pushed me into the mud," countered Link.

"Well that doesn't really count," explained Ruto.

"It hurt, therefore she hurt me," defended

"What about Navi?" asked Zelda.

"When we first met, she smacked me awake," revealed Link.

"Nabooru?" asked Ruto.

"We're really just friends," stated Link.

"What about the others? They weren't just friends? Is there something you're not telling me?" accused Zelda jokingly.

"I guess you're right," dodged Link, "and we do fight constantly. Not just arguing, we never do that, no, we actually fight. We've torn down buildings to beat each other up."

"I guess that's true. I learned that high dropkick I used in the fight from her," remarked Zelda.

"Okay, fine, you're right," submitted Ruto, "now let's get on with this."

"Right, the me," remembered Link, clicking his e-namesake. An address popped up: 369 Raven Crescent.

"What a crappy name for a street," commented Zelda.

"Yes, whoever came up with that name must have been either stoned or stupid," agreed Ruto.

"Actually, I've noticed that all the things that have happened to us in the past day have seemed like something out of a poorly written story," pointed out Link.

"So how do we get to this place?" asked Ruto.

"By car," deadpanned Zelda.

"Very funny," returned Ruto.

"I thought it was," responded Zelda.

"We just start north and take three left turns until we're there," said Link, shedding light on the situation.

"Right then, let's go," said Ruto, giving the "Right then" a faux John Cleese Gumby scream.

"Fine, but you're not driving," said Link.

"What? Something wrong with my driving?" asked Ruto.

"You're drunk," said Link.

"And you're ugly," said Ruto, taking another sip, "wait. Now you're not."

"I'll drive," said Zelda.

"Fine by me," said Link.

"Shotgun!" exclaimed Ruto.

They all piled in the car, and drove to 369 Raven Crescent. It was a slightly large house, not at all resembling the giant mansion with a sign that said "Vaati Industries, we kidnap for money". What kind of author would I be if I wrote that? They argued about which door to enter, but elected on the front on the basis that a car with three arguing people was a bit of a dead giveaway to start. They walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell to give the illusion of normality.

They listened and eventually heard footsteps. The footsteps got louder and louder until they heard them stop right outside the door. They heard the bolt slide, and saw the door open. A fairly small albino man with long white hair stood at the door in jeans and a t-shirt that said "Save Mott the Hoople" and spoke. "What do you guys want?" he asked.

"Are you Vaati?" asked Link.

"Sure. Who wants to know?" asked Vaati.

"Link, Hyrule Independent Protection Agengy," said Link, "We've traced you back to the kidnapping of one King Zora."

"Oh, geez. Not with the kidnappings again," said Vaati exasperatedly, "The court verdict reads innocent. I-N-N-O-C-E-N-T!"

"Look, don't screw with me. Getting all angry and trying to turn the fault on me isn't going to solve anything. One of your hired men told us your name," said Link.

"Really? What was his name?" asked Vaati.

"It was—" began Ruto.

"We're not going to reveal that! What kind of idiots do you think we are?" demanded Link.

"Hey, I almost gave it away!" said Ruto, "What does that make me?"

"Not a private gun," said Zelda.

"Look, I'm a relatively famous guy among kidnappers, what with the false charges et cetera. Do you not think my name would a common fake one to utter?" asked Vaati.

"He's got a point," said Zelda.

"Okay, how about this: We've got a polygraph machine back at HQ. If you could take a test, your name would be cleared forever. If, that is, you pass," offered Link.

"Well, I've got nothing to hide. I'll do it," said Vaati.

They all stepped into the car and drove back to HQ. When they got there, they hooked Vaati into the machine. "Is your name Vaati?" asked Zelda.

"Yes," answered Vaati. Ding!

"Are you currently wearing a shirt that says, 'Save Mott the Hoople'?" asked Link.

"Yes." Ding!

"Am I a Zoran princess?" asked Ruto.

"Yes." Ding!

"Did you kidnap one Mido of the Kokiris?" asked Link.

"Yes." Ding! "But it was a really screwed up time in my life. And I never kidnapped Rauru." Ding!

"Did you kidnap my father?" asked Ruto.

There was a long pause, and finally, "No. Never." Ding!

Ruto's eyes widened with a combination of relief and disappointment. The issue was not yet resolved, but she always liked to believe the best about people. The man sitting in front of her was not a horrible person who brought pain and misery on her family.

"You're good to go then. Sorry about the confusion. I guess it's back to square one," said Link.

"Not quite," said Vaati.

"How so?" asked Ruto eagerly, "Do you know who did it?"

"No," said Vaati, "But I want revenge on whatever douche bag used my name as a scapegoat. And I have connections."

"That's great news," said Zelda, "Welcome to our temporary dysfunctional family."

End auf der chapter

A/N: Sorry for the long pause in between chapters. To be honest, I'm just not very productive. Oh well, I've got a three day weekend and a creative side that needs to be fed. Until then, this is das Klöner signing out.


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